People who seemed to have lost what means the most to them often succumb to despair. It is only natural that we grieve about the loss. Whether it may be a loss of a loved one, failure of a relationship or loss of career path, it all boils down to a loss of identity. The very feeling of the absence of it, creates a hole within us. Like a part of us has died. The truth is the more we value something, the more it becomes a part of us. Now when it is gone, we are completely lost.
Not everyone reacts the same when this happens. Experts say, crying helps alleviate the pain. That may be true but sometimes it is not the first coping mechanism people do. Most people deny the loss. When the pain becomes unbearable, oftentimes we shove it down. People resort to this because it helps them function in reality. They know that if they focus much on the pain, they would just stop as if the world did too. Others bounce back easily but what if you can't?
Imagine losing your job, your house, spouse or children? How will you continue with you life when you are suddenly at a loss? How to fight when you have nothing to fight for?
Cry, Grieve or be Angry
For pete's sake cry if you have to! Be angry if you feel the need! Grieve for what it's worth. But do not cry too long or be consumed with anger. Must we not allow ourselves to grieve? Grieve but do not prolong the sadness. Everybody needs to feel what we need to feel. It helps us move toward acceptance of the loss. Have the time to remember what you lost but also remember what you still have.
What Awaits You
Remembering what you lost is nothing compared to remembering what awaits you still. Look beyond the loss. What still remains? Do you have your health?friends?other opportunities? Every cloud has a silver lining. It is all in how we perceive reality. When despair creeps in, look what others don't have. There are many homeless people who don't have what you have. Even rich people could envy what you already possess. Just look beyond the loss.
One Step at a Time
No one ever said it would be easy. Recovering from a loss is difficult to say the least. Hell, it could almost bring you to your knees. But so what? Would you rather have nothing or strive to achieve something? You do not have to make big changes to know that you are moving forward. Little changes like you cry less than you used to or talking about the loss to others is a good start. Just don't stand still. You'd end up buried in the loss if you don't take the steps forward.
Do not Limit yourself with Things that Keep you Sane
Even if you feel like crying by yourself, get up. Surround yourself with people who understands when to cry with you or when to do silly stuff to cheer you up. Remind yourself of the things that life has in store for you. These are not replacement of what you lost but rather another opportunity to be happy. Life has plenty of those, you know.
Recovering is a Celebration
Others who are recovering the loss of a loved one might not agree with this but I believe it is a moment to celebrate. Our deceased loved ones would want us to celebrate life not throw a party. Celebrating life means doing what is necessary as well as doing what we love. It heals us.
Living is a choice. Whether it is an easy choice to make or not, we have to choose. We can either let the loss define us or we define yourselves.
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